I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You can't just leave with hair like that
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
