I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
