I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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