i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
