Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
