in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
