If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
