There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
