I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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