dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
