i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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