Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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