I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
