I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
