what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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