Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
