he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I AM VODKA MAN
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
