went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
me + whiskey = a bad person
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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