I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
