Im at strip club and am horny
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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