i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
