I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sorry about my life...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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