Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
