I wish I only lived at night.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
