My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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