Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
