Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
