And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
