Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
