no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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