i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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