I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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