I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
