I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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