I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
