I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
