2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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