We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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