No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
