Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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