Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Randomize
