God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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