Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
