He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
