I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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