i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
