then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
