That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
