It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
