So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The uberlube is also flammable
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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