i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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