he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
