That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
