is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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